what happens when

half of my life is hypothetical
and it stresses me
the fuck
out.

I can play this game.
What if I don't want this anymore?
I can be passive agressive.
I'll yell silently
and rebel
and justify
and say its fine to be angry.

when a doubt creeps in.
what if it's not?

I'll push these thoughts of future
far enough away
wishing they will never
boomarang back.
In a way, its giving up.
In a way, we should break up.
i just say
these things to myself
to protect my heart.

i should really start
to understand
i have more future ahead
than past.

sorry, still hate everything.
i'm sure i wont feel this way tomorrow,
just need something to bear with me,
so i say shit on the internet.