the mix tape

the car stalled in the street and my hair turned white so i cried
with my face in my clean nails, with my face sucked of the sun and light.
waist bent over the counter and everything falling through
a soap dish is an ashtray is a crystal swan
is a notebook where love is drawn
a line. Where track number seven clicks and shakes, pushes like plates
smashing mountains together into something tall.
but the car stalls
and i kept her warm with a sweater i found on the floorboard
for an hour, looking in the rearview mirror.
and then track number eight
starts pouring lava that is sparkling wine, feeds me a spoonful of cinnamon
that I can't quite swallow
so the car stalls.
so i'm surrounded by doll house walls.

there is more I'm sure
more to dance to,
as the strangers push the car, running in the street, laughing.
track number nine, an insecurity hid behind a good time.
track ten is waiting in sin
but by twenty-one I could not bear to lose you,
so of course I lost control,
made to sit still when the car stalled in the middle
of an unknown variable
led to the hand of tears,
because I couldn't find her on my own.

I forgot track twelve and it's quirky danger
hard to hear over being over it all
but deep in there I'm begging the question
what do I want? so when I have it, and the tempo picks up
that little shaker breaking the ice
what could suffice?
Fourteen is a girl that has a dream before the car stalls,
and she is put in place in a world with a frowny face.
which breath will be my last?
In oncoming traffic with a good case of whiplash?
a wish from an eyelash?

Let's go back to number one
it's just the way, and mama said I shouldn't care
But the flashers are on and what is right is sometimes wrong
so when the car stalls I take it personally
and cry to the beat of the drum I built myself
Two - a flower
a star
who you'll always be and who you are.
rescued in the road from danger
by some luck or human arm.
It wasn't trying to fool me
It wanted to be the one I want.
Stalling leads to static
and static tends to stall.
yet I can jump in and out of my skin
and still have everything, and nothing at all
when the car stalls.